Published in The Reign of Mary, Winter 2018, Issue No. 167

The Fourth Commandment of God and the Deterioration of Society

by Rev. Fr. Eugen Rissling (translated by a Marian Sister)

The Ten Commandments of God, which were given to Moses on Mount Sinai (Deut. 5:1-18), form the essential foundation of the moral laws of the Old and New Covenant. Though later in the Gospels some of the moral requirements were supplemented and the original intentions of God were clarified by Christ (for example, on the topic of love of one’s enemies [Matt. 5:43-45]), yet the Ten Commandments are and remain the foundation of Christian moral teaching.

It is significant that Christ built on them in His Sermon on the Mount (Matt. 5-7), which has been called the Gospel within the Gospel. If one examines the inner structure of the Ten Commandments, one finds that the first three pertain to God, and the fourth through tenth to our dealings with others. Furthermore, it may well be assumed that the Commandments also have a certain order of importance, which is why some are listed before others. Thus, the first three concern the love and honor of God, followed by those that pertain to charity towards our neighbor. We should take note that in this second group the honor of our father and mother (fourth commandment) comes before that which is so essential to our coexistence with other human beings, the fifth commandment that forbids the killing of others.

Presuming this meaning behind the ordering of the Commandments, one arrives at the conclusion that the honor of father and mother is regarded as somehow more important than the extremely important commandment: “Thou shalt not kill” (Deut. 5:17.) Indeed, the fourth commandment says: “Honor thy father and mother, as the Lord thy God hath commanded thee, that thou mayest live a long time, and it may be well with thee in the land, which the Lord thy God will give thee” (Deut. 5:16), a wider scope of meaning and impact on human coexistence than one would initially imagine. For it relates in the extent of its applicability not only to the very narrow circle of one’s own parents, but ultimately, to one’s family, relations, and society. Finally, it also addresses the question of the fundamental treatment of the older generation and of one’s own spiritual heritage, which many in our modern times should be aware of in view of the dangers of the continuing de-Christianization of society, such as the Islamization of Europe, which, sadly, at present is in the so-called “capitulation” mode.

First, the fourth commandment concerns our relations with our own parents. “Thou shalt honor thy father and thy mother.” The word honor means “to think respectfully of any one, and, in every relation in which he may be considered, to hold him in the highest estimation. It includes love, respect, obedience, and reverence.” For honor “when proceeding from the heart, combines both fear and love” (Catechism of the Council of Trent, Baltimore: 1830).

When one matures through the childhood and adolescent years, and has an opportunity to observe the lives of other families, or perhaps even start a family oneself, one sees how much time, strength, and sacrifice it cost one’s own parents to care for their children, to get them to stand on their own two feet and become good and decent people. With the birth of children, parents focus much of their personal resources on the child, which in many ways has become the center of their lives. From this we can draw conclusions about our own parents and take note of just how many sleepless nights they spent because of us, what concerns they had about us over the years and how they put aside their own legitimate interests and needs to be there for us and to ensure our well-being, and we will learn to properly appreciate their entire commitment to us in the past and present, and behold the full measure of their love for us. Thus The Roman Catechism says that together with the commandment of God to honor one’s parents, the following is also included: “Love, respect, obedience and reverence… for when proceeding from the heart, honor combines both love and fear.” Thus, one can best measure the intensity of our honor and love, which we as adults owe and then actually show to our own parents, by the amount of time and attention we spend on them.

Perhaps the meaning of these words or values will become clearer if we illuminate them against the background of the mistakes made by our fellow human beings. Unfortunately, it is not so rare to find parents, for example, complaining that their children only contact them or inquire about them when they need something (again), namely financial support. The rest of the time they are “old enough” and “independent” and want to emphasize this as they carry a childish banner proclaiming “adulthood,” and strongly emphasize thereby that they push aside and exclude both their parents (and other elders or authorities) from their own life and thus despise them in fact. Likewise, one hardly entertains a fleeting thought of genuine gratitude to and appreciation of one’s parents or hardly makes time for them.

When the circumstances of life, however, suddenly put one into some emergency situation and make one hope for help from them, one suddenly remembers that they exist and should be contacted. Likewise, one sometimes hears complaints (including those from residents of retirement homes or the staff employed there) that some parents rarely or never receive visits from their children (or even talk to them by phone), even if they live nearby. Naturally, everyone has their own circumstances of life (work, family, children, weak health, etc.) that cost time and energy. But how much must it wound the hearts of parents, when they realize in one way or another that their children and grandchildren are genuinely disinterested in them! The occasional calls and visits are a matter of formality, and the questions asked about their condition and well-being are done in the manner of a tiresome duty.

Or is it not commonly and sarcastically said that shortly before the demise of a wealthy old man that suddenly a number of relatives come to visit him – solely for the hope of a share in his inheritance? In the sense of God’s fourth commandment, however, maintaining a most cordial relationship with one’s own parents, that is, an honest and trusting relationship with them means that they realize that their children and grandchildren, despite their many duties and burdens are truly honoring them and showing them genuine gratitude and appreciation. Sometimes even a quick phone call has a huge positive effect, which tells the parents that they are by no means excluded from the lives of their children. Naturally, there are many other things we can do to show our parents that we are not indifferent. For parents, there is hardly anything worse than to be more or less forgotten or rejected by their own children!

One should always be very careful and cautious in judgment should one hear, for example, that someone has taken his father or mother to a nursing home and thus does not take care of them at home, as was more common or even the norm in earlier times. Often enough, being outside the family, one does not know the circumstances underlying the case in question and one should therefore, as a rule, abstain from a better-than-thou judgment. A nursing home is in itself a useful facility, which is often helpful and supporting. Sadly, sometimes there is a necessity to put one’s parents in such a home when, despite one’s good will, it is impossible to give them adequate care at home. Nevertheless, one can only “tip one’s hat” and feel the utmost respect for those children and grandchildren who keep their parents and grandparents at home, despite their own duties and burdens and provide self-sacrificing care – sometimes even giving up one’s own profession, a possible career break and the accompanying increase of financial income.

Even more respect should be given to someone who cares thus for his in-laws in his own home. Experience shows that relationships between mothers-in-law and daughters-in-law can be particularly problematic. Thus, in the latter two cases, which involve greater personal commitment (and not just empty words), there is given to one’s own children and the younger generation an eloquent example that difficult cases can also mean “honoring” and loving parents. For children always learn best from the vivid example of their own parents how the fourth commandment is best fulfilled. For if parents neglect the grandparents, they can’t be surprised if in turn they are neglected by their own children.

According to genuine Catholic Christian understanding, marriage between two Christians is both an indissoluble bond and a sacrament – natural marriage was explicitly elevated by Jesus Christ to the dignity of a sacrament. Thus, the bride and groom receive the commission from God, in a manner of speaking, to represent God in the education and spiritual formation of their future children. This is the basis of parental obligations, to surround the children with love and care, and to educate them properly in the reverence of God so that they can more easily recognize the love of God for them, and for their healthy discipline – a tall and important order! Children who experience the healthy love of their parents are psychologically better able to recognize behind this selfless parental love, the love and authority of God, which surpasses all human understanding.

Secondly, the children should, to a certain extent, consciously see their own parents as representatives of God in their lives. It follows, as a matter of course, that in all the child’s duties toward his parents – if one honors the parents, one also honors God; if one does not honor the parents (sufficiently), one also sins towards God. Christ expressly criticized the hypocrisy of the Pharisees, who used lame excuses to neglect their obligation as children: “But he answered and said to them, ‘And why do you transgress the commandment of God because of your tradition? For God said, “Honor thy father and thy mother”; and, “Let him who curses father or mother be put to death.” But you say, “Whoever shall say to his father or mother, ‘Any support thou mightest have had from me is dedicated to God,’ does not have to honor his father or his mother.” So you have made void the commandment of God by your tradition'” (Matt. 15:3-6).

In Ephesians, the holy Apostle Paul expressly emphasizes that the parenting of fathers and mothers is derived from the universal paternity of God over all creatures: “For this cause I bow my knees to the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, of whom all paternity in heaven and earth is named” (Eph. 3:14-15). He obviously wants to address the Christian principle of the representation of God in parenthood. Admittedly, the manner of the mutual obligations in relation to the fourth commandment changes with increasing age. For example, the obedience of a 40-, 50-, or 60-year-old child toward his parent is different from that of a toddler or adolescent. But still, children will always remain children to their parents, and parents always remain parents to their children.

Advanced age changes nothing in regard to this basic relationship. Therefore, even as an adult, one cannot and should never treat parents as one treats a stranger. Of course, their influence on one’s way of life diminishes with increasing age, something they, of course, should remember and thus should not interfere too much and unhealthily with the concerns of their children. Nevertheless, even then they remain our parents, which is why they have some privileges of their own, such as to openly give their opinion or advice, completely independent of the child’s education, office and honor. However, if we in some manner ignore them or behave in a rude and irritated manner towards them, we refuse to understand what is essential, and consequently display the mentality of an adolescent who is too self-absorbed, who always knows better, and does not want to let anyone tell him anything.

For example, a father who ran a business for decades and then handed it over to his son, would never tell this son that he does not want to hear anything about the goings-on of the business, unless he specifically asks him about it. Or how can, for example, a daughter accept that her own mother announce that she will not be told anything after her daughter’s marriage, about her life and children, unless she, the mother, officially asks her about it. How such a behavior would be assessed is probably clear to every reasonable person. And how much more devious and deeply hurtful to the parents when their children declare their “right” to keep such a silence. Unfortunately, such things exist.

Also, we must not forget to pray for our parents. How many prayers for blessings and protection have our good Catholic parents sent up to heaven for us over the years! How can we ever repay them for this? Perhaps our reaction to this realization should be a little more appreciation and sincere gratitude, as well as patience and consideration. And naturally we should also pray for them, for all the graces and helps of which they stand in need. Christ Himself gives us an excellent example of the love of a child for his mother and care for parents. For when He hung on the cross and for our salvation suffered both the bodily pains of a terrible asphyxiation and such a tremendous and unimaginable pain of soul, which made Him feel abandoned by God (cf. Matt. 27:46), still He did not forget to take care of His Mother, the Most Blessed Virgin Mary, at the same time. Since Jesus was the only child of His mother and by His death (and later Ascension) had to leave her without any male guardianship (of a son or husband), He handed her over to the responsible care of His favorite disciple St. John (cf. John 19:26-27). So, during His worst and bitterest hour here on earth, He thought, of all things, of His filial duty owing to the fourth commandment of God, and thus most impressively emphasized for us the weight and meaning of our respective duties: “Thou shalt honor thy father and mother as the Lord thy God has commanded thee.”

The Catechism of the Council of Trent also make this reference to the fourth commandment: “The application of this commandment is of very great extent. Besides our natural parents, there are many others whose power, rank, usefulness, exalted functions or office, entitle them to parental honor (McHugh-Callen, 1923, pg. 408). “Those who govern the State, to whom are entrusted power, magistry or command, are also called fathers… The name father is also applied to those whose care, fidelity, probity and wisdom others are committed, such as teachers, instructors, masters and guardians; … finally, aged men, advanced in years, we also call fathers” (ibid., pg. 412). Thus, these authorities exercise or exert a certain degree of God’s paternity over us, each in his own unique way.

Through the placement of these God-willed authorities we are formed – whether through the foundation of our personality in our youth or in acquiring knowledge or in the formation of our character and the development of good manners, or in the emergence of faith and the growth of a conscious, intense relationship with God, etc. Thus we have a moral obligation to also honor them as our parents. Beyond the general scope of this requirement, the following may also be included: our godparents, our elderly relatives, our teachers, the priest who baptized us and gave us our First Holy Communion; the priest who guided us through our adolescence and our confessor as a spiritual director; our past and present managers and superiors at work, in the community and at church. For as St. Paul says, “For in Christ Jesus, by the gospel, I have begotten you” (1 Cor. 4:15).

As we have already seen, our obligation to honor the “parental authority” of this group of people would neither end abruptly nor completely, should our relationship come to an end. The idea of honest gratitude, and also of a certain respect for this whole group of people, should not allow us to ever put them, in our inner attitude as well as in external treatment, on the level of a mere distant acquaintance. I once knew a traditionalist priest who, for reasons of sincere gratitude and deep respect, had invited an older priest from a far-off country to attend his ordination, who at the time, unfortunately, had introduced the modernist reforms into his ministry, but as his former pastor had given valuable help to his Faith and the awakening and maturing of his priestly vocation. To show respect for this elderly priest was a matter of honor for this newly ordained priest.

What is family? In addition to pure blood relation, which in itself has a strong attachment and solidarity effect in the interpersonal sphere, it is above all the spiritual closeness and spiritual connection between parents, children and siblings. Biologically, one comes from one’s parents and has one’s mind, character and spiritual life formed by them as a child and adolescent. This is then our “nest” from which we come and which constitutes a large part of our identity. What is community? Arguably, a group of people who are close to each other not only in terms of their ethnicity and language, but above all have analogous spiritual, religious, and historical roots or want to pursue similar goals. Such bonds, which form the basic internal structure of man, lie in the nature of man, and cannot be seriously denied by any of the “politically correct” decisions of many of the modern parliaments and international organizations. Otherwise, one would embrace a dangerous ideology, which is aimed at the destruction of the relevant natural environment of man and thus uproot him mentally and religiously from his family and people.

The end result of this process is likely to create a man who does not have healthy identity-creating roots, and is thus easier to manipulate. Whoever is alert to the developments in our country, sees that social development in modern times is moving in this disastrous direction. A very large and even decisive role in the formation and maintenance of the above-mentioned structure of man is played by healthy authority in the family, community and society. They, so to speak, hold everything together. But if you remove one of the essential stones from the structure, you bring about a correspondingly massive collapse.

It is no coincidence that for several hundred years, certain enemies of the Church and of the divinely-ordained social order have been seeking to challenge, soften and destroy the Church and the State – first and foremost, by means of infiltration and substantial perversion of healthy ecclesiastical and state authorities who have strong Christian values or have expressly declared their desire to establish the spiritual kingdom of Jesus Christ. How else explain the French Revolution (including the resultant tragic events of the past and present) as well as Modernism in the Church?

We see, then, the significance that God’s fourth commandment has for the formation and functioning of a rational social and ecclesiastical order. The dimensions of the moral obligation in question, to honor one’s parents and other authority figures, clearly exceeds the purely familial range and consequently has the power to positively affect society in its entirety as well as the state. Not by chance is there a popular expression that says you can judge the welfare of a society by the way it treats the elderly. Whether or not, or how much respect, esteem, appreciation and gratitude is shown to the older generation serves as a good indicator of the mental maturity and moral condition of a person, family and society.

In conclusion, I’d like to share a short commentary that I recently heard from a Catholic priest. To his acquaintances, who expressly consider themselves patriots of their common (European) country, which suffers from a very low birth rate among the original Christian section of the population (but which also has a Muslim population with a very high birth rate and thus is constantly growing), he addressed the following critical remark. No, he told them, you are not true patriots of your country. Why? Because, though you are married, you knowingly and willingly don’t want children! You say that you want to enjoy life or that money is tight. But for vacation and many other things you are able to find the money. When it comes, you will “allow” yourselves a child. Very rarely does one find a two-child family. No, said this priest, you are not true patriots and you do not love your people, as you so boldly assert.