Adsum

February 2003

Gifts on the Occasion of an Invalid Marriage

From the book, More Answers to Today’s Moral Problems
by Very Rev. Francis J. Connell, C.SS.R., S.T.D., L.L.D., L.H.D.

Question: Should we tell our people that it is wrong for them to give a wedding present to a couple who are entering a union that is invalid according to the teaching of the Church, particularly the attempted marriage of a Catholic girl to a divorced man before a non-Catholic clergyman or a civil official?

Answer: Catholics should be told that ordinarily, at least, they should refrain from presenting gifts to couples entering a union that is invalid according to Catholic principles, particularly if one of the participants is a lapsed Catholic. A wedding gift is an expression of joy and congratulations to the two who are entering the holy state of matrimony. But how can a Catholic consistently manifest joy and congratulations to a couple who are entering a union that is not a true marriage but only a sinful concubinage? Such a gift has the appearance of approval of acceptance by these two of the deplorable state, a sad parody of the conjugal union. Even when the gift is to be given by a group, such as the office companions of one of the parties, with the understanding that each of the workers contributes a small sum, Catholics should be advised to withhold any contribution. However, in this case the cooperation might be justified if otherwise an individual would have to suffer some grave inconvenience. In very exceptional circumstances alone would a Catholic have a sufficient reason to give an individual present to a couple entering an invalid union — for example, a secretary whose employer is attempting a marriage of this kind, and who realizes that she would be discharged if she did not present a gift. In a case of this kind, if one of the couple is a Catholic, the gift could appropriately be an article of a religious nature, such as a crucifix or a devotional book, which might offer an occasion of repentance to the unfaithful member of the Church.

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