Adsum

October 2003

The Priest and Divorced Persons

From the book, Father Connell Answers Moral Questions
by Very Rev. Francis J. Connell, C.SS.R., S.T.D., L.L.D., L.H.D.

Question: In the April issue of The American Ecclesiastical Review, certain norms were laid down to guide the Catholic laity in their associations with persons who have attempted marriage after a divorce. What norms could he proposed to guide priests in their relations with such persons? Let us take a concrete case. A Catholic woman has civilly married a divorced man. The couple subsequently come to reside in a distant parish, whence their reprehensible status is at first unknown. The woman comes regularly to Sunday Mass, is a good supporter of the church, comes to the meetings of the altar society, attends parish social functions with her “husband” and is most friendly and respectful to the priests. Gradually the people of the parish become aware that her marriage is invalid in the eyes of the Church. What attitude should a priest adopt towards a couple in this situation, particularly toward the woman?

Answer: The general principle is that the priest must avoid two extremes. On the one hand, he must not manifest so severe an attitude toward the woman and her “husband” as to make them feel that their condition makes them hopeless outcasts from the Church, and thus discourage them from any attempts they might be inspired to make toward rectifying their unfortunate status. Such an attitude would surely be opposed to the gentle and merciful spirit of Christ, whom the priest is supposed to represent. On the other hand the priest may not be so benign and liberal in his relation towards such a couple as to give the impression that their matrimonial entanglement is of little consequence, so that for all practical purposes they can be treated in the same way as a couple who are properly married.

It is not easy to give particular rules to guide the priest, since so many circumstances enter into each individual case. however, the following are suggested as practical norms which will be applicable in most cases.

The priest may visit the home of such a couple for some business of an official nature — for example: to take the census, to attend the sick member of the family, or, of course, to urge either or both of the involved parties to return to the observance of God’s law. But he should avoid purely social visits. If he is invited to dinner, he should courteously decline. It would usually be a cause of grave scandal if it were known that a priest for merely social reasons visited a home where the couple arc actually living in concubinage and thus treated them as if they were truly husband and wife.

Any public announcement designating the couple as husband and wife must be avoided when it is publicly known that they are invalidly married. Thus if they make a donation to the church, there should be no printed statement that “Mr. and Mrs. Smith have contributed $100.” Indeed, even if the wife alone gave the contribution, it would be scandalous to record her as “Mrs. Smith.” If people in the situation we are considering wish to make a donation, it should be made known to them very clearly beforehand that the gift will be recorded as coming from an anonymous benefactor. The priest of all men must be careful not to give occasion to the notion that money covers a multitude of sins.

If the couple (or either one) attends Mass, no objection should be made by the priest and he can even greet the individual or the couple courteously, though he should try to avoid calling the woman “Mrs. Smith.” I think, however, that he could use this designation in certain circumstances, if otherwise great embarrassment would follow, as when he is required to introduce the lady — though, I presume some outspoken members of the clergy might on such an occasion refer to her as the “so-called Mrs. Smith.” If the couple attend a social function, such as a church bazaar, they may be permitted to circulate freely among the people, but no special attention should be given them by the priests. Moreover, divorced persons should not be allowed to take any active part in preparing for the affair or in conducting it — for example, by working at one of the tables.

A Catholic who is publicly known to be living in an invalid conjugal union cannot be admitted to membership in any association under the auspices of the Church, such as the sodality or the altar societv. The mind of the Church is quite clearly expressed on this point by the Code, which declares that public sinners cannot be received validly into religious associations of the laity (Can. 693, § 1). It seems hardly necessary to state that a person in this category should never be allowed to play the organ or to sing in the choir. If the priest discovers a situation of this kind already in existence, he would not be bound to expel the individual in question dramatically from the society or the choir, but he should privately request the undesirable person, in a kind but firm manner, to abstain in future from this form of association.

A deplorable laxity regarding the permanence of the marital union prevails in our land today. Divorce and remarriage, not only once but several times in the case of many Americans, has become a common situation. Hence, it is incumbent on priests, the official defenders of the law of God, to be on their guard lest they give the impression that the Catholic Church has departed from her traditional stand regarding the sacredness and indissolubility of the bond of Christian marriage.

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